I associate this phrase with gratitude and staying aware about what I have in life. But over the past week, this phrase has transformed into something different. With the year being 2020 and marinating in the idea of perfect vision and hindsight, I am finding that “you don’t know what you’ve got until it is gone” to be true about our hardships just as much about the good in life. 2019 was filled with grief for me. Grief over the reality of a 7 year journey along side my husband through his medical retirement from the Army, discovering new factors like food allergies and the effects of traumatic brain injury among other challenges in life. In an effort to cope with my own emotions I realize I had been focusing on the impact on my husband never once taking a moment to look at what it was doing to me.

As I come out the other side (and thank GOD there is another side!) and find hindsight, I realize how much grief colors our worlds. It can be a dark and dampening blanket that covers and invades everything. It skews our realities.

I have found new understanding of community and the effects of isolation. I am forever grateful for the friends that have encouraged me and kept me trail running, going to church, and volunteering. It’s clear to me now how those things, even when it felt like I was faking it and not really present at all, became the things that have held me up.

I hope 2020 brings you perfect vision in your life. Whether that is moving from a past focus to the future or from the present moment to past hardships. However it shows up, there seems to be some magic in the air to find it.